where i grew up they had sandy beaches and sunshine nearly all year long. where i grew up we could walk outdoors & wear our hearts on our sleeves. where i grew up we had friends, bicycles and icecream all the time. where we grew up we didn’t have to study hard or worry about homework or any school work. where i grew up we had friends for teachers and teachers for parents. where i grew up we could keep the door to our house wide open and not worry about any intruders or danger. where i grew up we had seasonal fruits & vegetables & there was no need for organic grocery hunting. where i grew up we had smiles and hugs to express ourselves & long stretches of hot sand to stroll on and feel safe. where i grew up music was available. where i grew up we had not a lot of money but a lot of space for children. where i grew up we had friendly neighbors who shared a generous portion of their lunches with other neighbors. where i grew up we had breezy mornings, sunny afternoons & refreshing evenings. where i grew up we had a lot to consider but little to think of. where i grew up we didn’t have to worry about society & misconduct & misjudgements. where i grew up we had tourists every summer to give a special flavor to our school breaks. where i grew up we had a lot of charcoal-grilled burgers & icy cold sodas. where i grew up we had older boys to fancy, even if none of them liked us back as girls. where i grew up we had NKOTB dreams & sing alongs. where i grew up there was more meaning to having sisters and brothers. where i grew up we had trees lining our street & a nice swimming pool to fight off the heat.
but where i grew up was not my home country.
in my home country there was bomb shellings & underground shelters. in my home country there were families being torn apart and children orphaned. in my home country there were useless wars & bloody memories & danger as the motto of the day. in my home country there was little to eat & lots to worry about and consider. in my home country there was insecurity & fear. in my home country there were loud cold nights on cement floors. in my home country there were brothers shooting at each other. in my home country there were coldheartedness & greed & blind politicism. in my home country there was no playground & no bicycle & no tree. in my home country there were no smiles. in my home country there were hungry kids, tired elders & powerless parents. in my home country youth didn’t defeat death. in my home country there were sleepless people. in my home country there was injustice & murder. in my home country people were losing values & morals. in my country everything was grey, there were no villages or cities or towns. in my home country schools were shelters and studying was a foolish hope. in my home country there was a lot of time that was made sure to be killed. in my home country there were no souls.
where i grew up was a phase. now i am back in my home country where people are still trying to recover from a hateful war, where people are still trying to rebuild a faintly majestic pre-war past, where youth is trying to regain its power & parents are trying to combat their phobia, where newborn children are the only hope for a better tomorrow, where nature is still trying to restore its natural ways, where rubble still covers a lot of neighborhoods, where survival is the motto of the day, where everybody knows that the past is history now but it can’t be shredded into pieces and thrown to the winds to take away to faraway lands, where people are still getting used to birds twittering and where birds are learning to twitter again, where people are trying to sleep a full 7-hour stretch, where children are learning the meaning of cautious trust, where i am learning not to be a stranger, where i am trying not to feel guilty for having lived a different phase, a phase that maybe i didn’t ask for but was lucky to have. i am still learning. but i appreciate every day that passes by living in my country, my home country, the only place that knows me as much as i could possibly know a place.
